Well, it's my turn again to write the news article. I hope the refreshing change and the varied points of view from the band have been an eye opener. I know it has been for me…

You think you know a person, but what if the stranger turns out to be yourself? That's exactly what happened to me this weekend.

I've realized that I have a relapsing condition I've been treated for in the past. It's called “Negative Projection Protection.” In a nutshell it's when you set up the circumstances to place blame on someone else for your own lack of “whatever”. (fill in the whatever) In my case it's success in the music business.

Years ago I was lucky enough to be around and work with very successful musicians and recording artist. The drive to be part of that crowd was like a drug that all but consumed me. As fate would have it, I had a life changing experience with a “mental health professional” who as also a devout Christian. I always thought the two ideals were opposites, and that anyone trying to do both would be crazy. His wisdom was not of this world, and he passed on only two short years after my meeting him. I joined ACT of Nashville (school of theology) soon after, and determined to follow his work. Two years of theology should be enough for anyone, and it certainly was for me. I dropped out shortly after a course in “show me the money 101”.

I realized I needed to get back to reality, come back to Texas , and take care of my neglected children. Soon after returning to Texas I got a job in Austin working for Apple Computer, Inc. drawing on my Mac computer skills and amazing patience with stupid people I was at home with the job. The stability of the job, and my ability to retain a nice residence in a yuppie neighborhood helped in getting custody of my youngest daughter, and a few months of counseling with my oldest helped to repair our relationship. I even had a little group to play music with just for the fun. It seemed my addiction was under control.

I joined “The KLOCKS” in October of 2002 and we've had a long string of successes ever since. The news articles proclaiming each one as the possibility of national recognition was starting to come in to focus. This weekend shattered that dream for me. It was only a minor setback for the rest of the guy's, a slight blow to the ego. For me the possibility of “making it big” before I turn 50 was my addiction rearing its ugly head again. It reminded me of the movie “The Wedding Singer” when Adam Sandler totally hoses a wedding by getting drunk and letting his “woe is me” attitude screw everything up. By the end of the night I found myself quitting the band, and wanting to get back to a “normal life.” I projected my lack of success to the other members of the band. In reality they are no more responsible for that than the extra 30 pounds around my mid section. I spent Sunday in quiet reflection of my mentors' teaching, and hoping my partners did not take my resignation seriously.

I am happy to be playing music for a living, being where and who I am. I remember it's the journey, not the destination, that's important, and able to use the unmovable truth as a compass on that quest. The fact that the government lies to us every week reminds me of the movie “The Exorcist”.

Bill Caisse

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