"TALES FROM THE OTHER SIDE."
02-07-06

So, I set my alarm clock to wake up at 7:30 AM Friday morning and didn't take it out of alarm setting mode. (STUPID!) At 8:30 AM, I was awakened by a phone call from Bill, who had earlier in the week offered to help out the crew this weekend. With eyes open now, I looked at the Atomic alarm clock which was still blinking 7:30 AM since last night. Then I looked up at the bedroom ceiling, which had the correct current time projected from the very same clock verifying I was running late and I jumped out of bed… ok, so I stumbled out leaving a trail of drool across my pillow.
I'm 43.

I stepped in the shower making sure to wash the important parts - got dressed, loaded my car, and went to pick up the band truck. The plan was pick up Bill and Bo at Bo's apartment at 9:30 AM. I showed up at 10:00 AM, and after a comment from Bill about me being late, we loaded Bill, Bo, bag and stuff (notice play on words “Lord Of The Rings” fans) and took off to meet up with DeVe (pronounced deve) our new crew guy. We rendezvoused with DeVe at our usual morning choke and puke (trucker lingo), Bill Miller Bar-B-Q. After a good meal of dead animal we started our trek towards North Dallas , which is about a 5 ½ to 6-hour drive. After 30 minutes into the trip I noticed I was listening to a chorus of snores that reminded me of the movie “The Exorcist”. Periodical fuel stops or the lowering of windows at 70 MPH in order to evacuate the offending flatulence breaks up these long road trips.

Without incident, we arrived at Down Under Pub in Frisco at 4:00 PM, unloaded the truck, and began to setup the band equipment. We were done at 7:30 PM so we grabbed a bite there at the Pub, and walked across the parking lot to Best Buy to look at all the electronics we can't afford and to use their bathroom. With some accompaniment in the facilities, Bill and I created a chorus of a different sort. The sound reminded me of the movie “The Exorcist”. Feeling refreshed, we walked back towards the Pub and changed clothes in the back of the truck. Being a bit chilly outside we were experiencing the usual hard nipple phenomenon, so we were careful not to scratch each other. Back inside again, with our good friends Ed and Patti Traupman in attendance, we started the show at 9:00 PM.

We were honored by the arrival of somemembers from a great local band called “The Inflatable Love Boys”. The show was without mishaps except for occasional little mistakes that hopefully only we notice. The show ended at midnight and the task of tearing down the band's equipment began. After being assisted by Ed and Patti Traupman, as well as our favorite Marine, David Hilario, we packed up the equipment and headed back to San Antonio for a private party downtown at the Hyatt.

Arriving back in S.A. at 7:00 AM, we went our separate ways to get some sleep at home. This time I was sure to set my alarm clock correctly for 12:00 noon. Waking up on time and after the usual morning rituals, I made sure I had my tuxedo before I left to pickup Bill and Bo, at Bo's apartment again at 1:30 PM as agreed. On the way there I received a call from DeVe, informing me he had a blow out on the highway coming into downtown and he did not have a spare. I told him to wait for me to call back after I discussed it with Bill and Bo. Not being late this time, Bo and I waited for Bill to show up who was running late. It was my duty as an American to inform Bill of his tardiness. After discussing the dilemma of DeVe's flat tire, we decided to pick him up and deal with his car after the Private Party. After picking up DeVe, who was stranded not far away from downtown, we arrived at the Hyatt on the Riverwalk a little after 2:00 PM.

We backed the truck into the loading dock which has a dumpster the size of a large apartment next to it. It was emitting an odor that reminded me of the movie “The Exorcist”. We loaded in the equipment via a freight elevator, not typically available at venues such as this, which opened into the ballroom in which we were playing. Extra bonus! With a deadline of 6:00 PM we began our routine of setting up being careful not to bust any part of our male reproductive system as some of the equipment is heavy. The setup was complete by the deadline, which left us time to grab a bite before starting the show at the scheduled 8:00 PM. Kim Mertens and Kelly Sotelo, the ladies in charge of the party, asked if we would care to dine on some of the food that was to be served for the patrons. We are always willing to partake in the “people food” so we accepted, and they set the four of us crew guys up in a room to ourselves. Served by the wait staff of the Hyatt, we were each brought a plate with Filet Mignon, a side of mashed potatoes, green beans and carrot balls, and a basket of rolls. Carrot balls are a delicacy from the Island of Easter , I believe. We had a great dinner for a great price, $0.

With bellies content, Bill and I changed into our Tux's, and Bo and DeVe into their black button down shirts with “The KLOCKS” logo. As the rest of the guys showed up, we waited through the live auction until it was our turn to jump on stage. I'll tell you, them auctioneers give Porky Pig a run for his money. You've got to be born with that talent. Well, it was going to be hard to follow the auctioneer but we had to do it. We started later than the actual time slated for us, which is typical of these events and perfectly fine for us. Everything runs longer than expected. We got some dancers going pretty quick and held them till the end of the show. They were dig'n all the 80's stuff we were playing. We were asked to play another 30 minutes longer than originally contracted and as much as the crowd was enjoying the band we couldn't say “No”.

When the night was finally over, we started the tear down of equipment. With everything back in the truck including our exhausted selves, the four of us were in agreement that we were also pretty damn hungry. So, we went to a popular downtown Mexican restaurant called “Mi Tierra”. We had some great food. Bo and I wanted to buy some Mexican pastries to go, but the line was too long and we still had to deal with a flat tire on DeVe's car, so we left without making the purchase. He told us he did not have a jack but he did have a doughnut spare tire, the type no bigger than a kid's bike tire and a max speed of 2 MPH. Since he sounded uncertain about not having a jack, I asked him if he looked all around his trunk for one. They hide them in hidden panels on the side sometimes. We stopped at his car and assessed the problem. His spare had air and after some searching, found the jack hidden behind a side panel cleverly disguised as a side panel. Maybe a label that says “JACK HIDDEN BEHIND SIDE PANEL” would help. It was so well concealed that Saddam Hussein himself could have hidden in there.

DeVe had pulled his malfunctioning vehicle over on the center median. That put the flat, front driver's side, away from oncoming traffic. We got the spare on, but he had left his flashers going the whole time, over 10 hours. Needless to say, the car would not start. He did not have jumper cables nor did we have any in the truck. So, off we went to the only place open at 3:30 AM that would have them - Walmart. Eventually finding the nearest location, all but Bill went inside. Bill was too tired to breath much less walk. So we left him to guard the truck. Returning with jumper cables purchased, we saw the truck was still in tacked thanks to Bill's excellent sentinel abilities. We didn't mean to wake him as we got back in. Back at DeVe's power drained ride, we tried to solve the problem of jumping his car. Since his battery is on the passenger side with on coming traffic and the truck's battery is on the passenger side as well. The only safe way was for the truck to be on the other side of the highway and run the cables underneath the truck and over the guardrail across DeVe's car to his battery. Luckily the jumper cables were 15 feet long. I decided to take the end under the truck, so I was on the oncoming traffic side under the truck box. I removed the battery cover and attaching the cables to the battery while being fanned by the rush of air created by the oncoming traffic a couple of feet away. I was too tired to be scared. With a single try the car started. Cables came off and we were done. DeVe was grateful we helped him out.

With our beds in mind now, we headed home. I still had to drop off Bill and Bo at Bo's apartment. Bill still had to drive home to Boerne, about 30 minutes Northwest of San Antonio . I still had to take the band truck back to the warehouse. I got in bed about 7:30 AM Sunday morning.

As you can see, the crew had a pretty uneventful time. I was lucky to think of anything to write about.

MackGonzales

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